I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
