First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i out mim tonsoeep
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize