i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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