I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
