In the future we'll all be gay
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
