I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
