WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize