Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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