On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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