Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
