Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
