I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
