Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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