hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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