Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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