In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
