Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Quick, to the slutcave!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
