If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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