oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
