Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
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Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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