look no pants
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
