i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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