I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
