Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
