I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
