Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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