she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
