Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
