its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
