I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
