About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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