I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
