he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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