i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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