you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
