Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
