You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
