i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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