Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
