I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
