It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
