I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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