On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
