I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize