Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
