I miss vodka workout Fridays
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
