Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
