If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
