sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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