He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
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