I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
