its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
