Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
