I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
