also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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