I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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