Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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