just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
