yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
