i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
