everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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